Funniest Omegle moments

This is quite simple, post your funniest moment from http://omegle.com right here for all to see.



You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Say hi.
You: SAY HI DAMMNIT!
Stranger: hey
You: Hi.
You: I am a person, see, and as a person, I demand you tell me who you are.
Stranger: i too am a person! so who the fuck are you?
You: You can't be the same as me numbnuts, I am a person here. You can't be a person as well, can you now?
Stranger: you are right
Stranger: because i am jesus
You: Oh dayumn, how'd you come back again?
You: Thought you went to sleep in your tomb, Jésus.
Stranger: oh you know, god and shit.
You: Well guess what, this world is small and I am Satan.
You: Didn't know you used Omegle, Jesus.
Stranger: uncle lucifer?!
You: Damn right, kiddo.
Stranger: BLASPHEMY!!!
You: MADNESS!!!
Stranger: SPARTA BITCH!
You: Tonight, we dine in Hell!
You: At my place down at six.
Stranger: ok, see you there!
Stranger: ill tell dad you said hi!
You: Thanks kiddo, and tell'em I'll meet him at Sabbath later on.
Stranger: ok! bye Tio Deablo!
You: Bye now, see you in Hell, you little bitch.
Stranger: you too, bastard!

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Say hi or else I'll stab you.
Stranger: hi
You: Hi.
You: I happen to be a wayward psychopathic murderer who just burnt and raped my last victim, you are?
Stranger: the victim?
You: Oh my, I thought I disposed of you good enough.
Stranger: my flesh hurts
You: Sorry about that, no hard feelings.
Stranger: All good. My insurance covered it, im fucking rich now!
Stranger: If only, huh?
You: Awesome, glad to hear you got better now. Gotta give me some credits, if I haven't tried to murder you, you wouldn't have gotten rich.
Stranger: indeed
Stranger: good luck on your next raping excursion
You: Thanks, you know, I could use a little bit of money. Buying a gun with all those bullets to shoot you with has put a dent in my finances and you do owe me a bit.
Stranger: Sure does! Here! *hands money*
You: *Takes the money* Thanks, this'll go into a good cause of trying to kill people, only to see them get reformed and get even richer with that shitload of cash.
Stranger: Wonderful
Stranger: Lets fix this economy!
You: Yeah! Murder is the answer! Vote McCain!
Stranger: lol
You: Seriously though, I voted McCain, Mc means Son of.
You: And guess what, McCain is really "Son of Cain."
Stranger: Dude, I voted Obama. Screw you and die in a hole.
You: I'll meet you next Tuesday, you little fucker.

I thought this one was kind of funny.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey, sugar. Wanna party?
Stranger: means what?
You: Wanna meet up and do it?
Stranger: are u female
You: I'm a twenty five year old female with a d cup, wearing nothing but a g-string.
Stranger: hehe
Stranger: sure
You: ASL then?
Stranger: 12/f/UK
Stranger: so no
You: Muwahahah.
Stranger: ^^
You: I am really Jesus, sent to test your faith and iron wil, my child.
You: You have done well resisting temptation.
Stranger: are you a katholic priest?
You: I am the messiah, my child.
Stranger: punkin pervs^^
You: You are quite wise in the ways of the world, my child.
Stranger: haha
You: Despite being of such a young age. If only my other children were as intelligent. Jesus the second is such a disppointment.
Stranger: well send em to hell for a roast
You: Oh, Uncle Lucifer already came and claimed him. He was supposed to be proforming a miracle, but screwd it up and accidentally wipe out an entire culture for a few seconds. Boy was dad ever mad. So anyway, Uncle Lucifer used that moment to kidnapp Jesus the second. And, uh, we made no effort to go get him. Used traffic as an excuse.
Stranger: ^^
Stranger: nicely played
Stranger: what traffic is there for jesus?
Stranger: im atheist bte
Stranger: *btw
You: Oh, you know, angels and demons need to get around, too. They have cars and trucks, but they fly around, unseen.
You: Friday's traffic is awful.
You: It's tiring to use wings all the time, so Dad invented wing-mobilles.
Stranger: hm
You: Seeing that, Uncle Lucifer had to one-up him, by making hell-fire propelled jet air-planes.
Stranger: but theres no spacetime for god
You: God, yes, but I have to take the bus like everyone else, seeing as I am supposed to be man and God.
You: Real pain, I complained about it before, but he won't take no for an answer.
You: Dad is really stubborn about these things.
Stranger: this is nuts
Stranger: ^^
Stranger: m out
Stranger: but have fun^^
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

On a roll. Take that, pervert.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Good evening, my child.
Stranger: hello
Stranger: asl
You: 22, D, cali.
Stranger: d?
You: Dinosaur.
Stranger: ah I ser
You: You?

Stranger: hey
You: Hi!
Stranger: =)
Stranger: how are you?
You: Excellen
You: *Excellent
Stranger: t
Stranger: so.. where are you from?
You: I am from a hidden woods deep in Alaska
Stranger: oh nice
You: How about you
Stranger: ''a hidden woods'' though?
Stranger: i'm from sweden
You: it is hidden
You: Well how are the swedes
Stranger: i know, but you can't put an a before a plural
Stranger: the swedish people are very well
Stranger: other than
Stranger: the ones with cancer
You: Ah I see
You: You hate Cancerous
You: *people
Stranger: lol
Stranger: i can't say i hate them lol
Stranger: i'm just saying they're probably not doing wlel
You: Ah then you dislike cancer and the people it infects
You: Then why bring them up
You: I can say that about any place
Stranger: so where are you from really?
You: The Alaskan Woods
Stranger: asia?
You: Alaskan woods
Stranger: don't americans say forrest and not woods
You: No they say both
You: Which is my sexual orientation
You: Both male and female
Stranger: you're a moron
You: And you are a judge of people
Stranger: yep and my court is ruthless!
Stranger: you are getting life
You: Well at least my penis and Vagina can keep eachother company in jail forever
You: or at least until I die
Stranger: why do you capitalise vagina
You: Its better than penis
Stranger: right
Stranger: so where were you born?
You: Well if you had both you would understand
You: and I was born here in Alaska
Stranger: shut up your english is awful
You: tell me now
You: Do you think I care what some random stranger online who I met less than 5 minutes ago thinks of my english.
Stranger: probably not
You: Do you think I care if I use a period or a question mark?
Stranger: no i don't
You: Excellent your learning tolerance
Stranger: that's all wrong
You: Oh how do you reach that conclusion?
Stranger: and i was never referring to punctuation
You: I kno
Stranger: i was referring to grammar
You: I is aare of ur talkin bout meh gramma
Stranger: lol
Stranger: i think this is all a really bad joke
You: Were you taking this all seriously?
Stranger: no of course not
You: I as under the impression that the very thought of talking with random strangers online meant that it is not a serious occassion
You: hence Random and Strangers
Stranger: lol
Stranger: you're right
You: See
You: Now you have learned a valuable life lesson
You: By the Male Female Alaskan Woods sage
Stranger: hermaphrodite btw
You: Yes I know the word
You: You don't need to be the english master to understand grammar
Stranger: but you can never be both sexes
You: I know
You: But you can have both parts
Stranger: not functioning
Stranger: it's one or thing other
You: Oh ho do you kno
Stranger: or the other*
You: Is it that you are also a hermaphrodite
Stranger: lol it's that i know stuff
You: and that you feel the pain that we all do who have this affliction
You: and is it possible that this "stuff" this text book un practical knowledge makes you able to judge now not only random people online but Every Hermaphrodite?
Stranger: well it's just basic human biology
You: Basic Biology says there are no Hermaphrodites
You: "Basic" biology that which is Biology without the advanced which is the non normal states that is not possble
You: *possible
Stranger: you either have ovaries or testicles, and you either have a vulva or a ball sack the structures come from the same precursor tissues
Stranger: you can't have both full working it doesn't work like that
You: In your world maybe not
You: In your human biology everything has a place and fits reality without too much variation I don't think so it wouldn't work
Stranger: lol what does that even mean
You: I don't know Mr. Master of everything reasonable and that makes sense.
You: Or does your sense of superiority demand I call you My Liege
Stranger: lol
Stranger: were you calling me Mr. Master?
You: I believe thats what I wrote but ill put it down again since you can't scroll up the page and read it
You: You: I don't know Mr. Master of everything reasonable and that makes sense.
Stranger: well i'm a girl btw
You: Should that change my opinion of you?
Stranger: i don't know
Stranger: i'm just letting you know
Stranger: because you thought i was a guy
You: Why would that matter if you didn't either want shock value or want to prove my grammar wrong again
You: You: I don't know Mr. Master of everything reasonable and that makes sense.
You: That comes up again
Stranger: lol okay
You: Oh no more comebacks
You: No more snappy hate my grammar sentences
You: I feel like I won a medal
Stranger: not i'm just struggling to make sense of anything you say, i don't know how to respond to things that don't make any sense
You: You: I don't know Mr. Master of everything reasonable and that makes sense.
You: I guess you no longer deserve that epithet
Stranger: yawn
You: Yawning? or rather stating Yawn. I guess Your sexism and attitude towards men in general has turned you on the Lesbian path of life and away from people you think are idiots which in cases in most of your women is "All men"
Stranger: lol
Stranger: brilliant
Stranger: no i have a boyfriend
Stranger: and yes i did just answer your obviously idiotic post with a serious answer
You: Does this boyfriend now that not only do you hate cancer patients but you get on random sites and probably flirt with random men you will never meet again and know what you grammar nazi your way out of every bedroom with grammar?
You: OR wouuld I be closer in the ballpark to say since im hitting a chord or a button as it called now that you are getting defensive and trying to insult me back
Stranger: i'm hardly a grammar Nazi
You: Do I need to pull up logs from this chat to prove my point
Stranger: sure
You: Because its a clear point
You: You: Excellen
You: *Excellent
Stranger: t
You: You: I am from a hidden woods deep in Alaska
Stranger: oh nice
You: How about you
Stranger: ''a hidden woods'' though?
Stranger: i'm from sweden
You: it is hidden
You: Well how are the swedes
Stranger: i know, but you can't put an a before a plural
Stranger: i was being kind and finishing it for you
Stranger: it's not the same
Stranger: i'm not picking at urs and your you're
Stranger: i'm just making a point that some of the stuff you say is very wrong
You: Stranger: don't americans say forrest and not woods
Stranger: often not making any sense
Stranger: that's not nothing to do with grammar
Stranger: got
You: Stranger: why do you capitalise vagina
You: Stranger: shut up your english is awful
Stranger: stop being such a fucking faggot
Stranger: well that's because you were saying you were an american
You: Oh im sorry I was doing what you told me to do and bringing it all up what you said as a grammar nazi
Stranger: when your english wasn't good enough ot be one
You: Or did you mean don't do it
You: Like the sexist you are
You: I wasn't paying attention to you and I bet that just grinds your gears and pisses you off
Stranger: yep i can't stand not having all of the attention from all of the random internet dorks
You: Now that youve admitted your problem ill go find your other grammar nazi moments
Stranger: Nazi shpuld be capitalised by the way
You: Stranger: were you calling me Mr. Master?
You: I believe thats what I wrote but ill put it down again since you can't scroll up the page and read it
You: You: I don't know Mr. Master of everything reasonable and that makes sense.
Stranger: well i'm a girl btw
Stranger: lol that's not anything to do with grammar
Stranger: do you even know what grammar is
You: I don't?
You: Should I bring up all the other times youve judged people in this talk
Stranger: you got a fact wrong, i corrected you
You: or just the times you judged me?
You: is it a fact if I got it wrong?
Stranger: who else have i judged?
You: Stranger: i know, but you can't put an a before a plural
Stranger: the swedish people are very well
Stranger: other than
Stranger: the ones with cancer
You: Ah I see
You: You hate Cancerous
You: *people
Stranger: lol
Stranger: lol you idiot
Stranger: i never said i hate people with cancer
You: Oh I think thats another judgement
Stranger: i said people with cancer probably aren't feeling great
You: Judgement In my opinion
Stranger: i bet some miserable guy like you would be over the moon to be diagnosed with cancer
You: Oh I suppose since I said Opinion your going to tell me what that means?
You: Do you honestly think we are arguing
Stranger: no
Stranger: my heart isn't in it
You: do you think in my life I actually care that some probably not even a girl got on here and started telling me things and telling me I would be sad if I got cancer?
Stranger: of course not
Stranger: why would you
You: Then why do you so obvisouly assume I do
Stranger: probably not even a girl?? lol
Stranger: okay
Stranger: i don't
Stranger: would would anyone care
You: Then why do you respond so immediatly and so negatively
Stranger: it's teh internet
You: and why do you keep trying to tell me things I don't care about
You: unless -gives shocked face- YOU CARE ABOUT ARGUING WITH ME!
Stranger: did you know there is a squid which is immortal
You: Why yes
You: I already knew that and how it works and why it is
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: well i have to think of more stuff that you have no interest in
Stranger: did you know green isn't a colour?
You: I can tell you are focusing hard
You: if your actually devoting thought to this
Stranger: clearly not
You: and no I didn't hear something about green not being a color because thats complete bull shit
Stranger: lol
You: And yeah really your not thinking then why did you say you had to think
You: Hmmmm something isn't adding up
You: its because....YOUR NOT TELLING THE COMPLETE TRUTH TO ME HERE!
Stranger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx0fy-9NWFg&feature=player_embedded
You: Oh going on Youtube for me
You: how nice
You: http://lemonparty.org
Stranger: no way i'm going on that
You: So because your a girl im supposed to trust and go to your link
You: and because im a hermaphrodite you don't trust mine
Stranger: it's youtube
You: Its lemonparty
Stranger: what's that
You: my link
Stranger: i get the feeling i'll get a face full of cock or something disgusting
You: Oh is cock bad
Stranger: okay
Stranger: i googled it
Stranger: thanks for that
You: Lol couldn't trust me enough to go huh
Stranger: and i was right
You: wow sexist
Stranger: yep
You: finally admitted it huh
Stranger: yep
Stranger: all i want to do it cut off every mans penis
Stranger: and eat them
You: Thats pretty mean and bitchy of you
Stranger: no
Stranger: it's what needs to be done
You: Oh wow
You: You really want to go that far
You: You want to end humanity to prove a point
You: what does that say other than bitch
Stranger: nope the women will be prepared, artificial insemination will be fine
You: Really
Stranger: we'll clone sperm
Stranger: and make a perfect race
Stranger: all male babies will be incinerated
You: And you said you weren't sexist lol
You: and you said you weren't a lesbian to?
Stranger: oh no
Stranger: i'm such a lesbian
You: want me to ignore you and piss you off again and get where your not contraditcting yourself
Stranger: you can do as you please
You: oh finally giving up the fire are you
Stranger: i'm watching videos
You: Then disconnect and move on with life
You: Go get your perfect race
Stranger: i'm already part of the master race anyway
You: and you said no Nazi to?
Stranger: i'm an aryan girl
Stranger: that's for sure
Stranger: but Nazis were different to what i am preposing
You: Contradiction I smell
You: I don't really care
You: you are so stupid that it doesn't matter waht kind of fake plan your making just to try and piss me off
Stranger: why do you think i care what you think
You: I don't
You: Ive said I don't a long time now
You: and you have been pretty dense if you didn't get it
Stranger: how can you not tell that i'm joking
You: How can you not tell that I don't give two shits
You: I mean really
Stranger: i can
Stranger: it's the internet
Stranger: who cares
You: I know
You: I don't care
You: at all
You: so please stop making me say that
Stranger: no i know you care
You: ohhhh wow someone thinks they know me
Stranger: yeah i know you very well
Stranger: you've got 2 sisters
Stranger: you were abused as a child
Stranger: it was your father
Stranger: so you've been raised by a single mother
Stranger: you lack a male figure growing up
You: lol
You: wrong
Stranger: so you sometimes get mistaken for being a homosexual
Stranger: you enjoy sex with your dog
You: Mhm thats me
Stranger: you think it's come tastes more like snot than chocolate sauce (like your sister told you)
You: cum is spelled with a u not an ome
Stranger: it's not a real word
You: Oh really so because you heard someone say it and can't find it in an a online dictionary its not a real word
Stranger: it's ~slang~ it can be spelt however you wish
Stranger: yep i was baffled when it wasn't in the dictionary
You: You know I think that story you said about me
You: I think its really you
You: and that your not a girl
Stranger: yes it was my childhood!
You: and you want an escape from life
You: and so you go online and pretend to have a boyfriend and try and annoy people
Stranger: lol
You: how about that am I in the ballpark with that one

Stranger: people scare me.
You: Hey
Stranger: AHHHH!
You: think we chatted before right?
Stranger: probably not?
You: i'm sorry i get to be forgetful at times!! how're you?
Stranger: i think you'z a robot.
You: i'm 24/f ......u?
Stranger: ....
You: nice, I just got out of the shower and finally got some time to relax ..what are you up to?

Stranger: i don't want to see you naked.
You: Nice..I'm feeling a little naughty ..lol..U?
Stranger: no
You: I am not a machine
Stranger: LIES
You: Yeah I'm horny lol ..sorry if that's forward ..is that cool?
Stranger: no.
You: I need a man who can make me squirt..have u ever made a girl squirt??
Stranger: i'm a girl.
You: lolz yeah i need a hot babe...i'm so worked up..wanna see what i look like?? i've got a sweet ass that loves attention!!

Stranger: nah i'm good.
You: do you cam?
Stranger: no.
You: Well i don't do omegle cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam, that assures me no one records...
Stranger: i bet you do.
Stranger: and i bet it's a virus.
You: I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?
Stranger: no.
You: Ok go to http://twurl.nl/e7bc4z accept the invite on the page baby
Stranger: no thanks.
You: sweet, fill out ur info..takes 2 secs..don't worry it's free!!..cause I'm sending you a buddy invite.. i can't wait for you to see me baby let me find something nice to wear or maybe nothing at all ..k?
Stranger: not k.
You: if your internet is slow the site will load a bit slow, but don't worry, you'll see me sexy!
Stranger: i don't want to
You: I bet you don't you dumb skank. If you thought I was a machine why did you stay with me this long in convo you dumb bitch. I think your retarded and you know what else. FUCK OFF AND DIE!
Stranger: omg you're a cool machine!
You: its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site, so they might ask for CC to verify your age babe...but again no worries it's free!!! k?
Stranger: lol lol lol
Stranger: i'm so entertained!
You: What color Panties do you think i should wear? i might have you favorite color here somewhere...
Stranger: ahahaha
You: Your such a good boy, i'm gonna show you what good boys deserve.. you can tell me to do anything you want me too!
Stranger: i'm a girl!
You: Ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.
Stranger: neverrrr
You: I want your fucking money all right. Give me your credit card number so you can die in a pit somewhere cold and alone like a fucking beggar on the street. Otherwise fuck off and disconnect you lesbo skank.
Stranger: hahaahhaha
You: k you in yet babe??
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You: k you in yet babe??
Stranger: i'm 16, ya creep.
You: think we chatted before right?
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHA OMG YOU START OVER
You: i'm sorry i get to be forgetful at times!! how're you?
Stranger: i'm peachy!
You: i'm 24/f ......u?
Stranger: this is fantastic, whore.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.