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 Shorin's Zanpaktou!

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Tsugetsu Shorin

Tsugetsu Shorin


Posts : 22
Points : 32
Join date : 2010-02-27

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PostSubject: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 3:48 pm

Name: Oujutora [King Tiger]

Manifestation:
Spoiler:

Release Phrase: “Show them your fang!”

Family: Reiatsu

Level: Shikai

Shikai:
Spoiler:

Shikai Ability: Oujutora has the unique ability to turn its string attached to the bottom of the hilt into a tigers tail that can stretch vast distances and wrap around entities and objects. The other special feature about Oujutora is that it can manipulate its reiatsu nature to simulate a loud tiger-like roar that reverberates throughout the users body that uses reiatsu to manipulate cell and adrenaline properties to enhance the users speed and strength by double for one post with a three post cool down.

Techniques:

Name: Shikon Sui-pu
Description: Oujutora sends out a large blast of orange feral energy that is shot forth in the form of a shapeless blot of raw energy. The energy from this technique is so profound that it disrupts enemy reiatsu to a noticeable extent and it is impervious to absorption-like abilities or properties. The energy blast is so chaotic that the wielder himself can barely contain it, once its released it moves in its specified direction perpetually for 200 hundred yards before dispersing and it cannot be deflected or redirected. Due to the power of this technique it must concentrate/charge 1 post before each use.
Duration: one post Cooldown: two posts

Name: Tora Shindou
Description: Oujutora uses its reiatsu nature and compress it until the blade itself begins to shake violently. At the user command the blade will unleash the compressed reiatsu and blast it with great strength in a 360 degree radius with a range of 100 yards in each direction before dispersing entirely. This blast is so immense that it causes tremors through the air and through the ground that causes great damage and knock back to foes. This ability can also be used as a form of sonar by enabling the user to decipher every aspect of the land and air space in the given hundered range with the help of the tremor vibrations. The user must take one post to charge/concentrate reiatsu before executing this technique.
Duration: one post Cooldown: two posts

Name: Yoroi Tora
Description: This technique allows the user to tap into what is know as the eye of the tiger. This technique uses reiatsu to induces a survival mode state of mind by stimulating dormant cells with high amounts of reiatsu . When this occurs the users physical stature becomes highly elevated in the aspects of speed and strength(Physical&Reiatsu) which in turn makes his bones and flesh a lot more robust and formidable like a small reduced form of hierro. Aside from his physical gains the user senses become much more acute allowing to him to pick up on the slightest motions and disturbances in the general vicinity.
Duration: 3 posts Cooldown: 5 posts.


Last edited by Tsugetsu Shorin on Sat Mar 06, 2010 3:15 pm; edited 2 times in total
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The Hunter

The Hunter


Posts : 601
Points : 405
Join date : 2010-01-21
Age : 1023
Location : Eh, I don't tell losers

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 3:52 pm

Okay, your zanpakutou is approved, but I'll leave your techs out for now.

Shorin's Zanpaktou! 17
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Tsugetsu Shorin

Tsugetsu Shorin


Posts : 22
Points : 32
Join date : 2010-02-27

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 4:22 pm

What do you mean leave my techs out?
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The Hunter

The Hunter


Posts : 601
Points : 405
Join date : 2010-01-21
Age : 1023
Location : Eh, I don't tell losers

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 4:23 pm

I am not so good with techs so I will let some other admin/GM handle it.
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Tsugetsu Shorin

Tsugetsu Shorin


Posts : 22
Points : 32
Join date : 2010-02-27

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 4:37 pm

So is it safe to say approved unless otherwise noted? So at least that way
I can actually use it.
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The Hunter

The Hunter


Posts : 601
Points : 405
Join date : 2010-01-21
Age : 1023
Location : Eh, I don't tell losers

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 4:40 pm

Actually, I only approved your zanpakutou meaning your ability and all, but not your techs.
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Tsugetsu Shorin

Tsugetsu Shorin


Posts : 22
Points : 32
Join date : 2010-02-27

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeSun Feb 28, 2010 4:47 pm

Who do i need to talk to get my techs approved?
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Ajaket Diashi

Ajaket Diashi


Posts : 172
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Join date : 2010-01-31
Age : 680
Location : Nowhere

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeMon Mar 01, 2010 9:21 pm

Tech #1.
So ... it's essentially an ongoing wave that plows through whatever is in front of you? Mind you, shapeless would not imply a wave ... it'd imply an inkblot smattering XD But that description is fair enough. Although there is one point of concern, will this wave dissipate after traveling a certain distance? You say it goes on perpetually ... in a specified direction. If it's a wave, then there is a chance of expansion(albeit at the cost of somewhat weakened power) and if it goes on indefinetely, it might as well engulf the entire world on the other side of your blade!

Please, try to fix that small description issue ^^;; It's not a terribly important error, but it may be open to dubious interpretation.

So, it disrupts enemy reiatsu, ey? So what if the Primera came rushing in, bearing down all heck upon you and fired a fully-charged Gran Rey Cero to meet away at this 'wave' of yours? Hmm?

Either way, add a single post charge to it. That way, you can legitimately back up the 'power' behind the technique(and it's supposed impervious status towards 'reiatsu absorption' abilities). This is also so as not to have you popping these things once just every three posts.


Tech #2.
100 yards in radius? *cough**cough* O.o;; Okay, sir. There is a failure in the description as to WHAT happens to the explosive force of this technique ... does it dissipate suddenly at the 100 yard mark? Or does it exponentially weakn the further it goes away from you? Again, not a major issue ... just some more details that need to be added so as to avoid interpretation issues and potential god-modding. I apologize, I am not ACCUSING you of performing God-Modding, please understand that I am clearing up the potential of this sheet to be capable of such >.>;; The 100 yard mark is fine though, just need a bit more on description of the attack.

But, like #1 you'll need a one post charge edit so as to legitimately explain the buildup of such a blast. Keep in mind that(you seem to be applying for an Lt. position, according to your more recent posts) although you'll be on a somewhat higher level than most other opponents you'll probably face(non-elites of other races), you cannot go as far as to mention
'great damage' or 'knockback' in your actual posts. Those two pieces as description text is perfectly fine, but do not re-use them in an actual fight, as you will be unaware if you enemy may have a skill to evade the worst of this technique.

I don't understand the last line of this technique ... it can be used as sonar? It's the equivalent of a weight plastic explosives, how do you USE it as sonar? O.o;; Please, expand on that or remove the detail, up to you.


Tech #3.
O.o The endorphins are, technically, pain-relievers by preventing nerve cells from releasing signals of pain. I don't see how a 'endogenous opioid polypeptide compound, produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food and orgasm' can do what you've described.

Then again, they are plenty of things I don't know. As a whole, this tech is fine. I'm not quite sure if the mentioning of allowing a release of endorphins in your body will bring the desired effect, but blegh. Who cares.

So, all in all, Techs 1 and 2 need minor revision in description along with additions of a 'charge' phase. 3 is questionable to my hazy state of mind, but is nonetheless approved.

Really, your techs are all good to go, as there aren't THAT many mistakes in them, please don't think that all the text above is berating the stuffings out of your writing due to an 'immaculate' amount of errors. Nothing of that sort, sir.

Just keep in mind the charges for 1 and 2 and don't go trigger-happy with them as well due to the ambiguous moments or two in there. Beyond that,

APPROVED, good sir.
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Tsugetsu Shorin

Tsugetsu Shorin


Posts : 22
Points : 32
Join date : 2010-02-27

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PostSubject: Re: Shorin's Zanpaktou!   Shorin's Zanpaktou! I_icon_minitimeThu Mar 04, 2010 12:15 am

No no, I appreciate the constructive criticism Very Happy. I've edited and made the suggested tweaks to my techniques, thanks a lot, much appreciated.
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